Enter SIR ANDREW FABIAN More matter for a May morning. SIR ANDREW Here's the challenge, read it: warrant there's vinegar and pepper in't. FABIAN Is't so saucy? SIR ANDREW Ay, is't, I warrant him: do but read. SIR TOBY BELCH Give me.
Reads 'Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow.' FABIAN Good, and valiant. SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads] 'Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't.' FABIAN A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law. SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads] 'Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter I challenge thee for.' FABIAN Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--less. SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads] 'I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance to kill me,'-- FABIAN Good. SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads] 'Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.' FABIAN Still you keep o' the windy side of the law: good. SIR TOBY BELCH [Reads] 'Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy, ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot:
I'll give't him. MARIA You may have very fit occasion for't: he is now in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by depart. SIR TOBY BELCH Go, Sir Andrew: scout me for him at the corner the orchard like a bum-baily: so soon as ever thou seest him, draw; and, as thou drawest swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him. Away! SIR ANDREW Nay, let me alone for swearing.
Exit SIR TOBY BELCH Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behavior of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less: therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth: he will find it comes from a clodpole. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury and impetuosity.
This will so fright them both that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.
Re-enter OLIVIA, with VIOLA FABIAN Here he comes with your niece: give them way till he take leave, and presently after him. SIR TOBY BELCH I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a challenge.
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH, FABIAN, and MARIA OLIVIA I have said too much unto a heart of stone And laid mine honour too unchary out:
There's something in me that reproves my fault;
But such a headstrong potent fault it is, That it but mocks reproof. VIOLA With the same 'havior that your passion bears Goes on my master's grief. OLIVIA Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you;
And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
What shall you ask of me that I'll deny, That honour saved may upon asking give? VIOLA Nothing but this; your true love for my master. OLIVIA How with mine honour may I give him that Which I have given to you? VIOLA I will acquit you. OLIVIA Well, come again to-morrow: fare thee well:
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
Exit Re-enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FABIAN SIR TOBY BELCH Gentleman, God save thee. VIOLA And you, sir. SIR TOBY BELCH That defence thou hast, betake thee to't: of what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end: dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly. VIOLA You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me: my remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done to any man. SIR TOBY BELCH You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill and wrath can furnish man withal. VIOLA I pray you, sir, what is he? SIR TOBY BELCH He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorced three; and his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give't or take't. VIOLA I will return again into the house and desire some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour: belike this is a man of that quirk. SIR TOBY BELCH Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent injury: therefore, get you on and give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with me which with as much safety you might answer him: therefore, on, or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain, or forswear to wear iron about you. VIOLA This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him is: it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose. SIR TOBY BELCH I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my return.
