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第63章

"Thank God! At last you have come too! I've been simply praying for you all day! Sit down."Alyosha had been struck by Katerina Ivanovna's beauty when, three weeks before, Dmitri had first brought him, at Katerina Ivanovna's special request, to be introduced to her.There had been no conversation between them at that interview, however.Supposing Alyosha to be very shy, Katerina Ivanovna had talked all the time to Dmitri to spare him.Alyosha had been silent, but he had seen a great deal very clearly.He was struck by the imperiousness, proud ease, and self-confidence of the haughty girl.And all that was certain, Alyosha felt that he was not exaggerating it.He thought her great glowing black eyes were very fine, especially with her pale, even rather sallow, longish face.But in those eyes and in the lines of her exquisite lips there was something with which his brother might well be passionately in love, but which perhaps could not be loved for long.He expressed this thought almost plainly to Dmitri when, after the visit, his brother besought and insisted that he should not conceal his impressions on seeing his betrothed.

"You'll be happy with her, but perhaps not tranquilly happy.""Quite so, brother.Such people remain always the same.They don't yield to fate.So you think I shan't love her for ever.""No; perhaps you will love her for ever.But perhaps you won't always be happy with her."Alyosha had given his opinion at the time, blushing, and angry with himself for having yielded to his brother's entreaties and put such "foolish" ideas into words.For his opinion had struck him as awfully foolish immediately after he had uttered it.He felt ashamed too of having given so confident an opinion about a woman.It was with the more amazement that he felt now, at the first glance at Katerina Ivanovna as she ran in to him, that he had perhaps been utterly mistaken.This time her face was beaming with spontaneous good-natured kindliness, and direct warm-hearted sincerity.The "pride and haughtiness," which had struck Alyosha so much before, was only betrayed now in a frank, generous energy and a sort of bright, strong faith in herself.Alyosha realised at the first glance, at the first word, that all the tragedy of her position in relation to the man she loved so dearly was no secret to her; that she perhaps already knew everything, positively everything.And yet, in spite of that, there was such brightness in her face, such faith in the future.

Alyosha felt at once that he had gravely wronged her in his thoughts.He was conquered and captivated immediately.Besides all this, he noticed at her first words that she was in great excitement, an excitement perhaps quite exceptional and almost approaching ecstasy.

"I was so eager to see you, because I can learn from you the whole truth- from you and no one else.""I have come," muttered Alyosha confusedly, "I- he sent me.""Ah, he sent you I foresaw that.Now I know everything-everything!" cried Katerina Ivanovna, her eyes flashing."Wait a moment, Alexey Fyodorovitch, I'll tell you why I've been so longing to see you.You see, I know perhaps far more than you do yourself, and there's no need for you to tell me anything.I'll tell you what I want from you.I want to know your own last impression of him.I want you to tell me most directly, plainly, coarsely even (oh, as coarsely as you like!), what you thought of him just now and of his position after your meeting with him to-day.That will perhaps be better than if Ihad a personal explanation with him, as he does not want to come to me.Do you understand what I want from you? Now, tell me simply, tell me every word of the message he sent you with (I knew he would send you).""He told me to give you his compliments and to say that he would never come again but to give you his compliments.""His compliments? Was that what he said his own expression?""Yes."

"Accidentally perhaps he made a mistake in the word, perhaps he did not use the right word?""No; he told me precisely to repeat that word.He begged me two or three times not to forget to say so."Katerina Ivanovna flushed hotly.

"Help me now, Alexey Fyodorovitch.Now I really need your help.

I'll tell you what I think, and you must simply say whether it's right or not.Listen! If he had sent me his compliments in passing, without insisting on your repeating the words, without emphasising them, that would be the end of everything! But if he particularly insisted on those words, if he particularly told you not to forget to repeat them to me, then perhaps he was in excitement, beside himself.He had made his decision and was frightened at it.He wasn't walking away from me with a resolute step, but leaping headlong.The emphasis on that phrase may have been simply bravado.""Yes, yes!" cried Alyosha warmly."I believe that is it.""And, if so, he's not altogether lost.I can still save him.Stay!

Did he not tell you anything about money- about three thousand roubles?""He did speak about it, and it's that more than anything that's crushing him.He said he had lost his honour and that nothing matters now," Alyosha answered warmly, feeling a rush of hope in his heart and believing that there really might be a way of escape and salvation for his brother."But do you know about the money?" he added, and suddenly broke off.

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