登陆注册
19593600000158

第158章

The man who has wronged her has come back, he sends for her and she forgives him everything, and hastens joyfully to meet him and she won't take a knife with her.She won't! No, I am not like that.Idon't know whether you are, Misha, but I am not like that.It's a lesson to me....She is more loving than we....Have you heard her speak before of what she has just told us? No, you haven't; if you had, you'd have understood her long ago...and the person insulted the day before yesterday must forgive her, too! She will, when she knows...and she shall know....This soul is not yet at peace with itself, one must be tender with...there may be a treasure in that soul...."Alyosha stopped, because he caught his breath.In spite of his ill-humour Rakitin looked at him with astonishment.He had never expected such a tirade from the gentle Alyosha.

"She's found someone to plead her cause! Why, are you in love with her? Agrafena Alexandrovna, our monk's really in love with you, you've made a conquest!" he cried, with a coarse laugh.

Grushenka lifted her head from the pillow and looked at Alyosha with a tender smile shining on her tear-stained face.

"Let him alone, Alyosha, my cherub; you see what he is, he is not a person for you to speak to.Mihail Osipovitch," she turned to Rakitin, "I meant to beg your pardon for being rude to you, but now I don't want to.Alyosha, come to me, sit down here." She beckoned to him with a happy smile."That's right, sit here.Tell me," she took him by the hand and peeped into his face, smiling, "tell me, do I love that man or not? The man who wronged me, do I love him or not?

Before you came, I lay here in the dark, asking my heart whether Iloved him.Decide for me, Alyosha, the time has come, it shall be as you say.Am I to forgive him or not?""But you have forgiven him already," said Alyosha, smiling.

"Yes, I really have forgiven him," Grushenka murmured thoughtfully."What an abject heart! To my abject heart!" She snatched up a glass from the table, emptied it at a gulp, lifted it in the air and flung it on the floor.The glass broke with a crash.Alittle cruel line came into her smile.

"Perhaps I haven't forgiven him, though," she said, with a sort of menace in her voice, and she dropped her eyes to the ground as though she were talking to herself."Perhaps my heart is only getting ready to forgive.I shall struggle with my heart.You see, Alyosha, I've grown to love my tears in these five years....Perhaps Ionly love my resentment, not him..."

"Well, I shouldn't care to be in his shoes," hissed Rakitin.

"Well, you won't be, Rakitin, you'll never be in his shoes.You shall black my shoes, Rakitin, that's the place you are fit for.

You'll never get a woman like me...and he won't either, perhaps...""Won't he? Then why are you dressed up like that?" said Rakitin, with a venomous sneer.

"Don't taunt me with dressing up, Rakitin, you don't know all that is in my heart! If I choose to tear off my finery, I'll tear it off at once, this minute," she cried in a resonant voice."You don't know what that finery is for, Rakitin! Perhaps I shall see him and say:

'Have you ever seen me look like this before?' He left me a thin, consumptive cry-baby of seventeen.I'll sit by him, fascinate him and work him up.'Do you see what I am like now?' I'll say to him;'well, and that's enough for you, my dear sir, there's many a slip twixt the cup and the lip! That may be what the finery is for, Rakitin." Grushenka finished with a malicious laugh."I'm violent and resentful, Alyosha, I'll tear off my finery, I'll destroy my beauty, I'll scorch my face, slash it with a knife, and turn beggar.

If I choose, I won't go anywhere now to see anyone.If I choose, I'll send Kuzma back all he has ever given me, to-morrow, and all his money and I'll go out charing for the rest of my life.You think Iwouldn't do it, Rakitin, that I would not dare to do it? I would, Iwould, I could do it directly, only don't exasperate me...and I'll send him about his business, I'll snap my fingers in his face, he shall never see me again!"She uttered the last words in an hysterical scream, but broke down again, hid her face in her hands, buried it in the pillow and shook with sobs.

Rakitin got up.

"It's time we were off," he said, "it's late, we shall be shut out of the monastery."Grushenka leapt up from her place.

"Surely you don't want to go, Alyosha!" she cried, in mournful surprise."What are you doing to me? You've stirred up my feeling, tortured me, and now you'll leave me to face this night alone!""He can hardly spend the night with you! Though if he wants to, let him! I'll go alone," Rakitin scoffed jeeringly.

"Hush, evil tongue!" Grushenka cried angrily at him; "you never said such words to me as he has come to say.""What has he said to you so special?" asked Rakitin irritably.

"I can't say, I don't know.I don't know what he said to me, it went straight to my heart; he has wrung my heart....He is the first, the only one who has pitied me, that's what it is.Why did you not come before, you angel?" She fell on her knees before him as though in a sudden frenzy."I've been waiting all my life for someone like you, I knew that someone like you would come and forgive me.I believed that, nasty as I am, someone would really love me, not only with a shameful love!""What have I done to you?" answered Alyosha, bending over her with a tender smile, and gently taking her by the hands; "I only gave you an onion, nothing but a tiny little onion, that was all!"He was moved to tears himself as he said it.At that moment there was a sudden noise in the passage, someone came into the hall.

Grushenka jumped up, seeming greatly alarmed.Fenya ran noisily into the room, crying out:

同类推荐
  • 大辩邪正经

    大辩邪正经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 佛说大摩里支菩萨经

    佛说大摩里支菩萨经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 送僧二首

    送僧二首

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • Two Poets

    Two Poets

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 鄂州龙光达夫禅师鸡肋集

    鄂州龙光达夫禅师鸡肋集

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 不一样的死神

    不一样的死神

    以死亡为代价,偷窥绝世美女出浴,你愿意么?牡丹花下死,做鬼也风流。如能死能复活,是不是就愿意了?但每死一次会丧失一部分人性,这是否又值得商榷?掌握不死的能力,是做一个挥霍死亡的魔神,还是一个珍视人性的凡人。这是雪无极的抉择,也可能是你的抉择!一个不是死神却屡次死而复生的人,在欲望和本能中碰撞,在人性与初心中抉择,在生死之间游走,却在生中成人,死中成神。踏上鸿蒙的世界,不一样的死神将带给你不一样的快意人生!
  • 神遗界

    神遗界

    被神界遗弃的仙,被神界遗弃的兽,被神界遗弃的世界。众人在彷徨中挣扎,书写了一段又一段的追仙梦。神秘的世界有着无尽的神秘机缘,各个种族都想要抓住那成仙的钥匙。一个普通的少年,面对各种人生的道路,又应该如何去抉择。一颗神秘的金色心脏,又能给他带来怎么的命运。悲欢离合,人生百味,又是什么味道。在彷徨中呐喊,命运的大门选择了你,还是你选择了命运的大门!
  • 重生之回来爱你

    重生之回来爱你

    她,看重友情,为了友情可以不顾一切,但却被朋友亲手推进丧尸群而死。一朝被蛇咬,十年怕井绳,再世重生,她发誓再也不再轻易相信别人,再也不会让爱自己的人为自己而死!本文纯属虚构,请勿模仿。
  • 指要钞

    指要钞

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 读者文摘(上)

    读者文摘(上)

    请你记住:说你办不成某事的人,都是无法成功的人。他个人的成就,顶多普普通通而已。因此,这种人的意见,对你有害无益。
  • 网游里最后一名玩家

    网游里最后一名玩家

    站上游戏世界之巅的今黎,耳边萦绕着各种系统奖励的信息,但他却没有丝毫的兴奋。眼里,心里,全是孤寂,迷惑。他调出游戏里的好友栏,依旧是一片灰暗,整整一年了,你们,所有天与天使的公会成员,为什么全都不上线?用沫沫的话说,地球要完了…不能居住,也不适合人类居住了…常常地震,地陷,海啸,火山,病毒,变异,被小行星撞击而偏离轨道,都看不到太阳,一片黑暗…死了很多很多人…能走的,都走了。走不了的,差不多也都死了…沫沫还说,今黎,你也和我一起走吧?今黎只能无奈的摇摇头…===看书之前,请面对电脑屏幕大吼三声:这不是网游,这不是网游,这绝对不是网游!然后再大吼三声:这是末世!这是末世!这绝对是末世!嗯,作者的话:这可能、也许、大概、仿佛、应该是科幻吧…
  • 与钻石王老五的契约爱情

    与钻石王老五的契约爱情

    私生女的身份,让她深感卑微;爱人的背叛,让她心如死灰;生活的压力,让她喘不过气。与魔鬼的交易,让她获得高贵的身份,为躲避魔鬼的纠缠利用,无奈,与他签订爱情契约。漫漫红尘,到处充满欲望,如染缸一样,她能如莲花般出淤泥而不染么?滚滚红尘,痴人万千,何处才是她最终的归宿,何人才是她的真命天子?
  • 一世殇孽障

    一世殇孽障

    一句话文案:这是一个年下攻大逆不道坑蒙拐骗偷了老祖宗的故事,失忆的老祖宗高贵冷艳傲娇属性欠调-教,某攻曰:调=教中,打扰者死!正邪不相容,可何为正?何为邪?魔长道既消,可何为魔?何为仙?佛说:一念执迷,浮生半醉,红尘孽障,三尺霜刃,宿命沉沦不过繁华云散,孽也,劫也。“灵氏我已经什么都没有了,却为何连你也不要我?”人说万恶魔为首,却不知心魔是万恶源:“即如此,那这修仙途还有何意义”其实我一直都在,只是你不知道而已。
  • 皇后乃情痴:皇上快上

    皇后乃情痴:皇上快上

    她是阳苜蓿,是21世纪的一个小员工,因为一次车祸使自己穿越到了架空时代,成为了龙昊王朝的丞相之女.他是那高高在上的天子—杨辰昊.她曾告诉他,她的名字的含义希望与幸福他许诺要在她18岁那天生辰种满苜蓿草得来的却是意外的“惊喜”.片段一:“皇上..臣妾有一件事一直都想告诉你..”某女边说边跪下某男挑眉,这女人又要耍什么花样?杨辰昊:“恩,说吧.”某女捂脸.装哭阳苜蓿:“唔...其实..其实秋水才是我的真爱!我与她早已经红尘作伴,形影不离了!所以,皇上成全我们吧!”某男听言,戏谑道:“那好吧,就把你们一起葬在山里.”某女惊.这是要杀人的节奏吗!一眨眼,某男的大腿被某女抱住:“大哥..我错了...”
  • 家有蛇夫:溺宠财妻你别跑

    家有蛇夫:溺宠财妻你别跑

    一跤穿越,离浅弦只觉得自己是中了八百年不遇的霉运。穿就穿吧!世人皆知南离的钟离公主风华绝代颜倾天下……但草包一枚。世人也知道北夜寂王爷面貌不堪天生就是一哑巴……但土豪一枚。当草包遇见土豪,会生出怎样的火花呢?宫宴之上,当美艳倾城的草包公主出现在面貌不堪的土豪王爷面前会是怎样。某女是这样想的,长得不好看木事,反正她又不在他面前晃悠。哑巴一枚也木事,最主要耳根清净啊!只要有钱就行了!因为钱是万能的呀!嫁就嫁了!直到木已成舟,某男才幽幽开口:“美人甚好,只可惜胸太小。”已弃坑,勿收藏!