登陆注册
19593600000127

第127章

"You'll live many days yet," the doctor would answer, "and months and years too.""Months and years!" he would exclaim."Why reckon the days? One day is enough for a man to know all happiness.My dear ones, why do we quarrel, try to outshine each other and keep grudges against each other? Let's go straight into the garden, walk and play there, love, appreciate, and kiss each other, and glorify life.""Your son cannot last long," the doctor told my mother, as she accompanied him the door."The disease is affecting his brain."The windows of his room looked out into the garden, and our garden was a shady one, with old trees in it which were coming into bud.

The first birds of spring were flitting in the branches, chirruping and singing at the windows.And looking at them and admiring them, he began suddenly begging their forgiveness too: "Birds of heaven, happy birds, forgive me, for I have sinned against you too." None of us could understand that at the time, but he shed tears of joy."Yes,"he said, "there was such a glory of God all about me: birds, trees, meadows, sky; only I lived in shame and dishonoured it all and did not notice the beauty and glory.""You take too many sins on yourself," mother used to say, weeping.

"Mother, darling, it's for joy, not for grief I am crying.

Though I can't explain it to you, I like to humble myself before them, for I don't know how to love them enough.If I have sinned against everyone, yet all forgive me, too, and that's heaven.Am I not in heaven now?"And there was a great deal more I don't remember.I remember Iwent once into his room when there was no one else there.It was a bright evening, the sun was setting, and the whole room was lighted up.He beckoned me, and I went up to him.He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my face tenderly, lovingly; he said nothing for a minute, only looked at me like that.

"Well," he said, "run and play now, enjoy life for me too."I went out then and ran to play.And many times in my life afterwards I remembered even with tears how he told me to enjoy life for him too.There were many other marvellous and beautiful sayings of his, though we did not understand them at the time.He died the third week after Easter.He was fully conscious though he could not talk; up to his last hour he did not change.He looked happy, his eyes beamed and sought us, he smiled at us, beckoned us.There was a great deal of talk even in the town about his death.I was impressed by all this at the time, but not too much so, though I cried a good deal at his funeral.I was young then, a child, but a lasting impression, a hidden feeling of it all, remained in my heart, ready to rise up and respond when the time came.So indeed it happened.

(b) Of the Holy Scriptures in the Life of Father Zossima.

I was left alone with my mother.Her friends began advising her to send me to Petersburg as other parents did."You have only one son now," they said, "and have a fair income, and you will be depriving him perhaps of a brilliant career if you keep him here." They suggested I should be sent to Petersburg to the Cadet Corps, that Imight afterwards enter the Imperial Guard.My mother hesitated for a long time, it was awful to part with her only child, but she made up her mind to it at last, though not without many tears, believing she was acting for my happiness.She brought me to Petersburg and put me into the Cadet Corps, and I never saw her again.For she too died three years afterwards.She spent those three years mourning and grieving for both of us.

From the house of my childhood I have brought nothing but precious memories, for there are no memories more precious than those of early childhood in one's first home.And that is almost always so if there is any love and harmony in the family at all.Indeed, precious memories may remain even of a bad home, if only the heart knows how to find what is precious.With my memories of home I count, too, my memories of the Bible, which, child as I was, I was very eager to read at home.I had a book of Scripture history then with excellent pictures, called A Hundred and Four Stories from the Old and New Testament, and I learned to read from it.I have it lying on my shelf now; I keep it as a precious relic of the past.But even before I learned to read, I remember first being moved to devotional feeling at eight years old.My mother took me alone to mass (I don't remember where my brother was at the time) on the Monday before Easter.It was a fine day, and I remember to-day, as though I saw it now, how the incense rose from the censer and softly floated upwards and, overhead in the cupola, mingled in rising waves with the sunlight that streamed in at the little window.I was stirred by the sight, and for the first time in my life I consciously received the seed of God's word in my heart.A youth came out into the middle of the church carrying a big book, so large that at the time I fancied he could scarcely carry it.He laid it on the reading desk, opened it, and began reading, and suddenly for the first time I understood something read in the church of God.In the land of Uz, there lived a man, righteous and God-fearing, and he had great wealth, so many camels, so many sheep and asses, and his children feasted, and he loved them very much and prayed for them."It may be that my sons have sinned in their feasting." Now the devil came before the Lord together with the sons of God, and said to the Lord that he had gone up and down the earth and under the earth."And hast thou considered my servant Job?" God asked of him.And God boasted to the devil, pointing to His great and holy servant.And the devil laughed at God's words.

同类推荐
  • 小品般若波罗蜜经

    小品般若波罗蜜经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 禅要经

    禅要经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 天豹图

    天豹图

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 太上清静元洞真文玉字妙经

    太上清静元洞真文玉字妙经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 佛说阿耨风经

    佛说阿耨风经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
热门推荐
  • 别来无恙,各自安好

    别来无恙,各自安好

    我亲眼看着时光将身边的一切变得苍老又模糊,想要伸手碰触,却只是冰凉一片,那些如冰般清凉的记忆,在最炙热的年华里,失却了原有的坚执,一点一点的幻化成一汪水,只映射出你那最是落寞的姿态,最终,却连原有的轮廓都消失不见。一段不解之缘。各自安好。。。。
  • 爆笑穿越妃:王妃爱爬墙

    爆笑穿越妃:王妃爱爬墙

    【推荐新文,悍妃当道:妖孽王爷请走开】沈沐沐本是一个二十一世纪的新新人类,一朝穿越到古代当了王妃。千方百计逃了好几次都无果。不急,她有计。得知某爷的侍卫跟了他十三年,觉得他们俩是断袖情深,发誓要帮侍卫把某爷压倒。结果自己差点被某爷压倒。逃走两年后还是被无良师父送回某爷身边,被某爷吃干抹净。事后某女望着春风满面正穿衣的某爷说到。“爷,我发现两年不见。你瘦了。”某爷挑眉轻笑。“哪里瘦了!”“禽兽了!!
  • 一个社会的悲伤与勇气

    一个社会的悲伤与勇气

    本书主要围绕当下中国社会面临的各种问题进行论述,从国家政策、价值观、贫富差距、教育问题、文化现象、热门话题等方面揭示当下中国之现状。本书语言犀利而不激进,思想深刻而不哗众取宠,有高度的现实意义,是一本能真正反映当下中国社会真实现状的良心之作。
  • 雨霖铃殇

    雨霖铃殇

    他是冷酷杀手黑鹰,而他是萌呆大少爷,两人在一起不知会摩擦出什么样的火花?“你……你干嘛?”此时大灰狼已经将小白兔逼到角落了,而大灰狼饶有兴致的看着他脸上的表情,尽收眼底:“我要你扮成女人——做我的周夫人!”未料,某只小白兔一时兴起男扮女装,没想到真变成女人了!
  • twelve

    twelve

    30世纪17年代,在这个人类与各种发达科技渐渐融为一体的的时代,存在着这样一些奇怪的人,他们能够将高能科技和魔术相结合,从而产生一种奇特的新型技术,他们把这项技术称为“magic”·····
  • 时间神偷

    时间神偷

    主人公李左因为丧妻而频繁地受到即视感的犯扰,使得他进入了多维空间里,寻找时间与空间连结的秘密,他满怀希望以为可以通过那道精密的程序穿越时间距离,与妻子相见,却被迫进入到了一个在世界时间史和中国历史中无法辨析的年代。在那个时空,时间里,发生了一系列超现实主义魔幻故事。
  • 尚武霸天

    尚武霸天

    一轮灵月悬空高挂,银色光辉倾洒人间。古老预言:当血月凌空,邪恶之门大开,摩罗将从地狱而来!苍生哀鸿遍野,血流成河···
  • 落纸云烟

    落纸云烟

    何婉诗的梦想是有家有事业穿越之后依然有了家有了事业就是丈夫的属性特殊了点可是谁也没规定狐狸精必须是女的不能是男的不是风风雨雨过后何婉诗觉得平淡是福本文种田有之狗血有之俗的不俗的都占一些可以把它看成一锅大杂烩
  • 血月.人类之灾

    血月.人类之灾

    血月出现,谁来拯救??一少年淡定的说:“等我!!我来拯救世界!!!”百度贴吧:血月人类之灾吧额,类型选错了,是末世危机
  • 穿越之降夫记

    穿越之降夫记

    一家一妻。南唐新帝初登大典,急需联姻来稳定各个世家旧臣,小郡主扶摇也被赐了婚,皇帝对她说,这家三兄弟,要是能降服了,军权大大的,她斗志满满,接过圣旨才发现,这特么不是昔日的世仇今生的冤家吗?女主:皇舅舅,换一家行不行?小皇帝斜眼:降服不了吗?女主内流满面:手到擒来!男主们:……