Of all the incidents I have yet related, a few traces are remaining in the places where I then lived; but what I have to relate in the following book is almost entirely unknown; these are the greatest extravagancies of my life, and it is happy they had not a worse conclusion.My head (if I may use the simile) screwed up to the pitch of an instrument it did not naturally accord with, had lost its diapason; in time it returned to it again, when Idiscontinued my follies, or at least gave in to those more consonant to my disposition.This epoch of my youth I am least able to recollect, nothing having passed sufficiently interesting to influence my heart, or make me clearly retrace the remembrance.In so many successive changes, it is difficult not to make some transpositions of time or place.I write absolutely from memory, without notes or materials to help my recollection.Some events are as fresh in my idea as if they had recently happened, but there are certain chasms which Icannot fill up but by the aid of recital, as confused as the remaining traces of those to which they refer.It is impossible, therefore, that I may have erred in trifles, and perhaps shall again, but in every matter of importance I can answer that the account is faithfully exact, and with the same veracity the reader may depend I shall be careful to continue it.
My resolution was soon taken after quitting Le Maitre; I set out immediately for Annecy.The cause and mystery of our departure had interested me for the security of our retreat: this interest, which entirely employed my thoughts for some days, had banished every other idea; but no sooner was I secure and in tranquility, than my predominant sentiment regained its place.Nothing flattered, nothing tempted me, I had no wish but to return to Madam de Warrens; the tenderness and truth of my attachment to her had rooted from my heart all the follies of ambition; I conceived no happiness but living near her, nor could I take a step without feeling that the distance between us was increased.I returned, therefore, as soon as possible, with such speed, and with my spirits in such a state of agitation, that though I recall with pleasure all my other travels, I have not the least recollection of this, only remembering my leaving Lyons and reaching Annecy.Let any one judge whether this last event can have slipped my memory, when informed that on my arrival I found Madam de Warrens was not there, having set out for Paris.
I was never well informed of the motives of this journey.I am certain she would have told me had I asked her, but never was man less curious to learn the secrets of his friend.My heart is ever so entirely filled with the present, or with past pleasures, which become a principal part of my enjoyment, that there is not a chink or corner for curiosity to enter.All that I conceive from what I heard of it, is, that in the revolution caused at Turin by the abdication of the King of Sardinia, she feared being forgotten, and was willing by favor of the intrigues of M.d'Aubonne to seek the same advantage in the court of France, where she has often told me she should have preferred it, as the multiplicity of business there prevents your conduct from being so closely inspected.If this was her business, it is astonishing that on her return she was not ill received; be that as it will, she continued to enjoy her allowance without any interruption.Many people imagined she was charged with some secret commission, either by the bishop, who then had business at the court of France, where he himself was soon after obliged to go, or some one yet more powerful, who knew how to insure her a gracious reception at her return.If this was the case, it is certain the ambassadress was not ill chosen, since being young and handsome, she had all the necessary qualifications to succeed in a negotiation.
End of Book III
