The new-comer had shown himself zealous and exact in all her little commissions, which were ever numerous, and he diligently overlooked the laborers.As noisy and insolent as I was quiet and forbearing, he was seen or rather heard at the plow, in the hayloft, wood-house, stable, farm-yard, at the same instant.He neglected the gardening, this labor being too peaceful and moderate; his chief pleasure was to load or drive the cart, to saw or cleave wood; he was never seen without a hatchet or pick-ax in his hand, running, knocking and hallooing with all his might.I know not how many men's labor he performed, but he certainly made noise enough for ten or a dozen at least.All this bustle imposed on poor Madam de Warrens;she thought this young man a treasure, and, willing to attach him to herself, employed the means she imagined necessary for that purpose, not forgetting what she most depended on, the surrender of her person.
Those who have thus far read this work should be able to form some judgment of my heart; its sentiments were the most constant and sincere, particularly those which had brought me back to Chambery;what a sudden and complete overthrow was this to my whole being! but to judge fully of this, the reader must place himself for a moment in my situation.saw all the future felicity I had promised myself vanish in a moment; all the charming ideas I had indulged so affectionately, disappear entirely; and I, who even from childhood had not been able to consider my existence for a moment as separate from hers, for the first time, saw myself utterly alone.This moment was dreadful, and those that succeeded it were ever gloomy.I was yet young, but the pleasing sentiments of enjoyment and hope, which enliven youth, were extinguished.From that hour my existence seemed half annihilated.I contemplated in advance the melancholy remains of an insipid life, and if at any time an image of happiness glanced through my mind, it was not that which appeared natural to me, and Ifelt that even should I obtain it I must still be wretched.
I was so dull of apprehension, and my confidence in her was so great, that, notwithstanding the familiar tone of the new-comer, which I looked on as an effect of the easy disposition of Madam de Warrens, which rendered her free with every one, I never should have suspected his real situation had not she herself informed me of it;but she hastened to make this avowal with a freedom calculated to inflame me with resentment, could my heart have turned to that point.Speaking of this connection as quite immaterial with respect to herself, she reproached me with negligence in the care of the family, and mentioned my frequent absence, as though she had been in haste to supply my place."Ah!" said I, my heart bursting with the most poignant grief, "what do you dare to inform me of? Is this the reward of an attachment like mine? Have you so many times preserved my life, for the sole purpose of taking from me all that could render it desirable? Your infidelity will bring me to the grave, but you will regret my loss!" She answered with a tranquility sufficient to distract me, that I talked like a child; that people did not die from such slight causes; that our friendship need be no less sincere, nor we any less intimate, for that her tender attachment to me could neither diminish nor end but with herself; in a word she gave me to understand that my happiness need not suffer any decrease from the good fortune of this new favorite.
Never did the purity, truth and force of my attachment to her appear more evident; never did I feel the sincerity and honesty of my soul more forcibly, than at that moment.I threw myself at her feet, embracing her knees with torrents of tears."No, madam," replied I, with the most violent agitation, "I love you too much to disgrace you thus far, and too truly to share you; the regret that accompanied the first acquisition of your favors has continued to increase with my affection.I cannot preserve them by so violent an augmentation of it.You shall ever have my adoration: be worthy of it;to me that is more necessary than all you can bestow.It is to you, O my dearest friend! that I resign my rights; it is to the union of our hearts that I sacrifice my pleasure; rather would I perish a thousand times than thus degrade her I love."I preserved this resolution with a constancy worthy, I may say, of the sentiment that gave it birth.From this moment I saw this beloved woman but with the eyes of a real son.It should be remarked here, that this resolve did not meet her private approbation, as I too well perceived; yet she never employed the least art to make me renounce it either by insinuating proposals, caresses, or any of those means which women so well know how to employ without exposing themselves to violent censure, and which seldom fail to succeed.
Reduced to seek a fate independent of hers, and not able to devise one, I passed to the other extreme, placing my happiness so absolutely in her, that I became almost regardless of myself.The ardent desire to see her happy, at any rate, absorbed all my affections; it was in vain she endeavored to separate her felicity from mine, I felt I had a part in it, spite of every impediment.
