"To a certainty! Mr.Striker, you must know, is not simply a good-natured attorney, who lets me dog's-ear his law-books.He's a particular friend and general adviser.
He looks after my mother's property and kindly consents to regard me as part of it.Our opinions have always been painfully divergent, but I freely forgive him his zealous attempts to unscrew my head-piece and set it on hind part before.
He never understood me, and it was useless to try to make him.
We speak a different language--we 're made of a different clay.
I had a fit of rage yesterday when I smashed his bust, at the thought of all the bad blood he had stirred up in me;it did me good, and it 's all over now.I don't hate him any more;I 'm rather sorry for him.See how you 've improved me!
I must have seemed to him wilfully, wickedly stupid, and I 'm sure he only tolerated me on account of his great regard for my mother.
This morning I grasped the bull by the horns.I took an armful of law-books that have been gathering the dust in my room for the last year and a half, and presented myself at the office.
'Allow me to put these back in their places,' I said.
'I shall never have need for them more--never more, never more, never more!' 'So you 've learned everything they contain?'
asked Striker, leering over his spectacles.'Better late than never.' 'I 've learned nothing that you can teach me,'
I cried.'But I shall tax your patience no longer.
I 'm going to be a sculptor.I 'm going to Rome.
I won't bid you good-by just yet; I shall see you again.
But I bid good-by here, with rapture, to these four detested walls--to this living tomb! I did n't know till now how I hated it!
My compliments to Mr.Spooner, and my thanks for all you have not made of me!' ""I 'm glad to know you are to see Mr.Striker again,"Rowland answered, correcting a primary inclination to smile.
"You certainly owe him a respectful farewell, even if he has not understood you.I confess you rather puzzle me.
There is another person," he presently added, "whose opinion as to your new career I should like to know.What does Miss Garland think?"Hudson looked at him keenly, with a slight blush.
Then, with a conscious smile, "What makes you suppose she thinks anything?" he asked.
"Because, though I saw her but for a moment yesterday, she struck me as a very intelligent person, and I am sure she has opinions."The smile on Roderick's mobile face passed rapidly into a frown.
"Oh, she thinks what I think!" he answered.
Before the two young men separated Rowland attempted to give as harmonious a shape as possible to his companion's scheme.
"I have launched you, as I may say," he said, "and I feel as if I ought to see you into port.I am older than you and know the world better, and it seems well that we should voyage a while together.
It 's on my conscience that I ought to take you to Rome, walk you through the Vatican, and then lock you up with a heap of clay.
I sail on the fifth of September; can you make your preparations to start with me?"Roderick assented to all this with an air of candid confidence in his friend's wisdom that outshone the virtue of pledges.
"I have no preparations to make," he said with a smile, raising his arms and letting them fall, as if to indicate his unencumbered condition."What I am to take with me I carry here!"and he tapped his forehead.
"Happy man!" murmured Rowland with a sigh, thinking of the light stowage, in his own organism, in the region indicated by Roderick, and of the heavy one in deposit at his banker's, of bags and boxes.
When his companion had left him he went in search of Cecilia.
She was sitting at work at a shady window, and welcomed him to a low chintz-covered chair.He sat some time, thoughtfully snipping tape with her scissors; he expected criticism and he was preparing a rejoinder.
At last he told her of Roderick's decision and of his own influence in it.
Cecilia, besides an extreme surprise, exhibited a certain fine displeasure at his not having asked her advice.
"What would you have said, if I had?" he demanded.
"I would have said in the first place, 'Oh for pity's sake don't carry off the person in all Northampton who amuses me most!'
I would have said in the second place, 'Nonsense! the boy is doing very well.Let well alone!' ""That in the first five minutes.What would you have said later?""That for a man who is generally averse to meddling, you were suddenly rather officious."Rowland's countenance fell.He frowned in silence.
Cecilia looked at him askance; gradually the spark of irritation faded from her eye.
"Excuse my sharpness," she resumed at last.
"But I am literally in despair at losing Roderick Hudson.
His visits in the evening, for the past year, have kept me alive.
They have given a silver tip to leaden days.I don't say he is of a more useful metal than other people, but he is of a different one.Of course, however, that I shall miss him sadly is not a reason for his not going to seek his fortune.
Men must work and women must weep!"
"Decidedly not!" said Rowland, with a good deal of emphasis.
He had suspected from the first hour of his stay that Cecilia had treated herself to a private social luxury; he had then discovered that she found it in Hudson's lounging visits and boyish chatter, and he had felt himself wondering at last whether, judiciously viewed, her gain in the matter was not the young man's loss.
It was evident that Cecilia was not judicious, and that her good sense, habitually rigid under the demands of domestic economy, indulged itself with a certain agreeable laxity on this particular point.
She liked her young friend just as he was; she humored him, flattered him, laughed at him, caressed him--did everything but advise him.
It was a flirtation without the benefits of a flirtation.
She was too old to let him fall in love with her, which might have done him good; and her inclination was to keep him young, so that the nonsense he talked might never transgress a certain line.
