IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.
IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.
IMPOSITION, n. The act of blessing or consecrating by the laying on of hands -- a ceremony common to many ecclesiastical systems, but performed with the frankest sincerity by the sect known as Thieves.
"Lo! by the laying on of hands,"
Say parson, priest and dervise, "We consecrate your cash and lands To ecclesiastical service.
No doubt you'll swear till all is blue At such an imposition. Do."
Pollo Doncas IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.
IMPROBABILITY, n.
His tale he told with a solemn face And a tender, melancholy grace.
Improbable 'twas, no doubt, When you came to think it out, But the fascinated crowd Their deep surprise avowed And all with a single voice averred 'Twas the most amazing thing they'd heard --
All save one who spake never a word, But sat as mum As if deaf and dumb, Serene, indifferent and unstirred.
Then all the others turned to him And scrutinized him limb from limb --
Scanned him alive;
But he seemed to thrive And tranquiler grow each minute, As if there were nothing in it.
"What! what!" cried one, "are you not amazed At what our friend has told?" He raised Soberly then his eyes and gazed In a natural way And proceeded to say, As he crossed his feet on the mantel-shelf:
"O no -- not at all; I'm a liar myself."
IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.
IMPUNITY, n. Wealth.
INADMISSIBLE, adj. Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with, and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of proceedings before themselves alone. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible because the person quoted was unsworn and is not before the court for examination; yet most momentous actions, military, political, commercial and of every other kind, are daily undertaken on hearsay evidence. There is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence. Revelation is hearsay evidence; that the Scriptures are the word of God we have only the testimony of men long dead whose identity is not clearly established and who are not known to have been sworn in any sense. Under the rules of evidence as they now exist in this country, no single assertion in the Bible has in its support any evidence admissible in a court of law. It cannot be proved that the battle of Blenheim ever was fought, that there was such as person as Julius Caesar, such an empire as Assyria.
But as records of courts of justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
INAUSPICIOUSLY, adv. In an unpromising manner, the auspices being unfavorable. Among the Romans it was customary before undertaking any important action or enterprise to obtain from the augurs, or state prophets, some hint of its probable outcome; and one of their favorite and most trustworthy modes of divination consisted in observing the flight of birds -- the omens thence derived being called _auspices_.
Newspaper reporters and certain miscreant lexicographers have decided that the word -- always in the plural -- shall mean "patronage" or "management"; as, "The festivities were under the auspices of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Body-Snatchers"; or, "The hilarities were auspicated by the Knights of Hunger."
A Roman slave appeared one day Before the Augur. "Tell me, pray, If --" here the Augur, smiling, made A checking gesture and displayed His open palm, which plainly itched, For visibly its surface twitched.
A _denarius_ (the Latin nickel)
Successfully allayed the tickle, And then the slave proceeded: "Please Inform me whether Fate decrees Success or failure in what I To-night (if it be dark) shall try.
Its nature? Never mind -- I think 'Tis writ on this" -- and with a wink Which darkened half the earth, he drew Another denarius to view, Its shining face attentive scanned, Then slipped it into the good man's hand, Who with great gravity said: "Wait While I retire to question Fate."
That holy person then withdrew His scared clay and, passing through The temple's rearward gate, cried "Shoo!"
Waving his robe of office. Straight Each sacred peacock and its mate (Maintained for Juno's favor) fled With clamor from the trees o'erhead, Where they were perching for the night.
The temple's roof received their flight, For thither they would always go, When danger threatened them below.
Back to the slave the Augur went:
"My son, forecasting the event By flight of birds, I must confess The auspices deny success."
That slave retired, a sadder man, Abandoning his secret plan --
Which was (as well the craft seer Had from the first divined) to clear The wall and fraudulently seize On Juno's poultry in the trees.
G.J.
