DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.' BIRON This is not so well as I looked for, but the best that ever I heard. FERDINAND Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to this? COSTARD Sir, I confess the wench. FERDINAND Did you hear the proclamation? COSTARD I do confess much of the hearing it but little of the marking of it. FERDINAND It was proclaimed a year's imprisonment, to be taken with a wench. COSTARD I was taken with none, sir: I was taken with a damsel. FERDINAND Well, it was proclaimed 'damsel.' COSTARD This was no damsel, neither, sir; she was a virgin. FERDINAND It is so varied, too; for it was proclaimed 'virgin.' COSTARD If it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken with a maid. FERDINAND This maid will not serve your turn, sir. COSTARD This maid will serve my turn, sir. FERDINAND Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a week with bran and water. COSTARD I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge. FERDINAND And Don Armado shall be your keeper.
My Lord Biron, see him deliver'd o'er:
And go we, lords, to put in practise that Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.
Exeunt FERDINAND, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN BIRON I'll lay my head to any good man's hat, These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.
Sirrah, come on. COSTARD I suffer for the truth, sir; for true it is, I was taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore welcome the sour cup of prosperity! Affliction may one day smile again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow!
SCENE II
The same. Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows melancholy? MOTH A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp. MOTH No, no; O Lord, sir, no.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender juvenal? MOTH By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough senior.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Why tough senior? why tough senior? MOTH Why tender juvenal? why tender juvenal?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender. MOTH And I, tough senior, as an appertinent title to your old time, which we may name tough.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Pretty and apt. MOTH How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt, and my saying pretty?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Thou pretty, because little. MOTH Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO And therefore apt, because quick. MOTH Speak you this in my praise, master?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO In thy condign praise. MOTH I will praise an eel with the same praise.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO What, that an eel is ingenious? MOTH That an eel is quick.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I do say thou art quick in answers: thou heatest my blood. MOTH I am answered, sir.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I love not to be crossed. MOTH [Aside] He speaks the mere contrary; crosses love not him.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I have promised to study three years with the duke. MOTH You may do it in an hour, sir.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Impossible. MOTH How many is one thrice told?
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I am ill at reckoning; it fitteth the spirit of a tapster. MOTH You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I confess both: they are both the varnish of a complete man. MOTH Then, I am sure, you know how much the gross sum of deuce-ace amounts to.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO It doth amount to one more than two. MOTH Which the base vulgar do call three.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO True. MOTH Why, sir, is this such a piece of study?
Now here is three studied, ere ye'll thrice wink: and how easy it is to put 'years' to the word 'three,' and study three years in two words, the dancing horse will tell you.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO A most fine figure! MOTH To prove you a cipher.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I will hereupon confess I am in love: and as it is base for a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If drawing my sword against the humour of affection would deliver me from the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner, and ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devised courtesy. I think scorn to sigh: methinks I should outswear Cupid. Comfort, me, boy: what great men have been in love? MOTH Hercules, master.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name more; and, sweet my child, let them be men of good repute and carriage. MOTH Samson, master: he was a man of good carriage, great carriage, for he carried the town-gates on his back like a porter: and he was in love.
DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson!
