He said; "Why, what I was after was this."[Here he became even more fearfully impressive than ever, and emphasized each particular point by checking it off on his finger-ends.]
"This vein, or lode, or ledge, or whatever you call it, runs along between two layers of granite, just the same as if it were a sandwich.
Very well.Now suppose you go down on that, say a thousand feet, or maybe twelve hundred (it don't really matter) before you drift, and then you start your drifts, some of them across the ledge, and others along the length of it, where the sulphurets--I believe they call them sulphurets, though why they should, considering that, so far as I can see, the main dependence of a miner does not so lie, as some suppose, but in which it cannot be successfully maintained, wherein the same should not continue, while part and parcel of the same ore not committed to either in the sense referred to, whereas, under different circumstances, the most inexperienced among us could not detect it if it were, or might overlook it if it did, or scorn the very idea of such a thing, even though it were palpably demonstrated as such.Am I not right?"I said, sorrowfully: "I feel ashamed of myself, Mr.Ward.I know Iought to understand you perfectly well, but you see that treacherous whisky cocktail has got into my head, and now I cannot understand even the simplest proposition.I told you how it would be.""Oh, don't mind it, don't mind it; the fault was my own, no doubt--though I did think it clear enough for--""Don't say a word.Clear! Why, you stated it as clear as the sun to anybody but an abject idiot; but it's that confounded cocktail that has played the mischief.""No; now don't say that.I'll begin it all over again, and--""Don't now--for goodness' sake, don't do anything of the kind, because Itell you my head is in such a condition that I don't believe I could understand the most trifling question a man could ask me.
"Now don't you be afraid.I'll put it so plain this time that you can't help but get the hang of it.We will begin at the very beginning."[Leaning far across the table, with determined impressiveness wrought upon his every feature, and fingers prepared to keep tally of each point enumerated; and I, leaning forward with painful interest, resolved to comprehend or perish.] "You know the vein, the ledge, the thing that contains the metal, whereby it constitutes the medium between all other forces, whether of present or remote agencies, so brought to bear in favor of the former against the latter, or the latter against the former or all, or both, or compromising the relative differences existing within the radius whence culminate the several degrees of similarity to which--"I said: "Oh, hang my wooden head, it ain't any use!--it ain't any use to try--I can't understand anything.The plainer you get it the more Ican't get the hang of it."
I heard a suspicious noise behind me, and turned in time to see Hingston dodging behind a newspaper, and quaking with a gentle ecstasy of laughter.I looked at Ward again, and he had thrown off his dread solemnity and was laughing also.Then I saw that I had been sold--that Ihad been made a victim of a swindle in the way of a string of plausibly worded sentences that didn't mean anything under the sun.Artemus Ward was one of the best fellows in the world, and one of the most companionable.It has been said that he was not fluent in conversation, but, with the above experience in my mind, I differ.
