I had some curiosity to behold this piece of excellence,and when he came,watched him for a night or two,before I made friends with him;for,to tell the truth,I was a little afraid of the stately looking man,whose bed had to be lengthened to accommodate his commanding stature;who seldom spoke,uttered no complaint,asked no sympathy,but tranquilly observed what went on about him;and,as he lay high upon his pillows,no picture of dying stateman or warrior was ever fuller of real dignity than this Virginia blacksmith.A most attractive face he had,framed in brown hair and beard,comely featured and full of vigor,as yet unsubdued by pain;thoughtful and often beautifully mild while watching the afflictions of others,as if entirely forgetful of his own.His mouth ws grave and firm,with plenty of will and courage in its lines,but a smile could make it as sweet as any woman's;and his eyes were child's eyes,looking one fairly in the face,with a clear,straightforward glance,which promised well for such as placed their faith in him.He seemed to cling to life,as if it were rich in duties and delights,and he had learned the secret of content.
The only time I saw his composure disturbed,was when my surgeon brought another to examine John,who scrutinized their faces with an anxious look,asking of the elder:"Do you think I shall pull through,sir?""I hope so,my man."And,as the two passed on,John's eye still followed them,with an intentness which would have won a clearer answer from them,had they seen it.A momentary shadow flitted over his face;then came the usual serenity,as if,in that brief eclipse,he had acknowledged the existence of some hard possibility,and,asking nothing yet hoping all things,left the issue in God's hands,with that submission which is true piety.
The next night,as I went my rounds with Dr.P.,I happened to ask which man in the room probably suffered most;and,to my great surprise,he glanced at John:
"Every breath he draws is like a stab;for the ball pierced the left lung,broke a rib,and did no end of damage here and there;so the poor lad can find neither forgetfulness nor ease,because he must lie on his wounded back or suffocate.It will be a hard struggle,and a long one,for he possesses great vitality;but even his temperate life can't save him;I wish it could.""You don't mean he must die,Doctor?"
"Bless you there's not the slightest hope for him;and you'd better tell him so before long;women have a way of doing such things comfortably,so I leave it to you.He won't last more than a day or two,at furthest."I could have sat down on the spot and cried heartily,if I had not learned the wisdom of bottling up one's tears for leisure moments.Such an end seemed very hard for such a man,when half a dozen worn out,worthless bodies round him,were gathering up the remnants of wasted lives,to linger on for years perhaps,burdens to others,daily reproaches to themselves.
The army needed men like John,earest,brave,and faithful;fighting for liberty and justice with both heart and hand,true soldiers of the Lord.I could not give him up so soon,or think with any patience of so excellent a nature robbed of its fulfillment,and blundered into eternity by the rashness or stupidity of those at whose hands so many lives may be required.It was an easy thing for Dr.P.to say:"Tell him he must die,"but a cruelly hard thing to do,and by no means as "comfortable"as he politely suggested.I had not the heart to do it then,and privately indulged the hope that some change for the better might take place,in spite of gloomy prophesies;so,rendering my task unnecessary.A few minutes later,as I came in again,with fresh rollers,I saw John sitting erect,with no one to support him,while the surgeon dressed his back.I had never hitherto seen it done;for,having simpler wounds to attend to,and knowing the fidelity of the attendant,I had left John to him,thinking it might be more agreeable and safe;for both strength and experience were needed in his case.I had forgotten that the strong man might long for the gentle tendance of a woman's hands,the sympathetic magnetism of a woman's presence,as well as the feebler souls about him.
The Doctor's words caused me to reproach myself with neglect,not of any real duty perhaps,but of those little cares and kindnesses that solace homesick spirits,and make the heavy hours pass easier.John looked lonely and forsaken just then,as he sat with bent head,hands folded on his knee,and no outward sign of suffering,till,looking nearer,I saw great tears roll down and drop upon the floor.It was a new sight there;for,though I had seen many suffer,some swore,some groaned,most endured silently,but none wept.Yet it did not seem weak,only very touching,and straightway my fear vanished,my heart opened wide and took him in,as,gathering the bent head in my arms,as freely as if he had been a little child,I said,"Let me help you bear it,John."Never,on any human countenance,have I seen so swift and beautiful a look of gratitude,surprise and comfort,as that which answered me more eloquently than the whispered"Thank you,ma'am,this is right good!this is what I wanted!""Then why not ask for it before?"
"I didn't like to be a trouble;you seemed so busy,and I could manage to get on alone.""You shall not want it any more,John."
