At that trying time especially,we were greatly concerned about her state.Suffering in her health from the shock of her father's death (she was alone in the house with him when he died suddenly),she was torn by the inward struggle between her love for the man whom she was to marry in the end and her knowledge of her dead father's declared objection to that match.Unable to bring herself to disregard that cherished memory and that judgment she had always respected and trusted,and,on the other hand,feeling the impossibility to resist a sentiment so deep and so true,she could not have been expected to preserve her mental and moral balance.At war with herself,she could not give to others that feeling of peace which was not her own.It was only later,when united at last with the man of her choice,that she developed those uncommon gifts of mind and heart which compelled the respect and admiration even of our foes.Meeting with calm fortitude the cruel trials of a life reflecting all the national and social misfortunes of the community,she realized the highest conceptions of duty as a wife,a mother,and a patriot,sharing the exile of her husband and representing nobly the ideal of Polish womanhood.Our uncle Nicholas was not a man very accessible to feelings of affection.Apart from his worship for Napoleon the Great,he loved really,I believe,only three people in the world:his mother--your great-grandmother,whom you have seen but cannot possibly remember;his brother,our father,in whose house he lived for so many years;and of all of us,his nephews and nieces grown up around him,your mother alone.The modest,lovable qualities of the youngest sister he did not seem able to see.It was I who felt most profoundly this unexpected stroke of death falling upon the family less than a year after I had become its head.It was terribly unexpected.Driving home one wintry afternoon to keep me company in our empty house,where I had to remain permanently administering the estate and at tending to the complicated affairs--(the girls took it in turn week and week about)--driving,as I said,from the house of the Countess Tekla Potocka,where our invalid mother was staying then to be near a doctor,they lost the road and got stuck in a snow drift.She was alone with the coachman and old Valery,the personal servant of our late father.Impatient of delay while they were trying to dig themselves out,she jumped out of the sledge and went to look for the road herself.All this happened in '51,not ten miles from the house in which we are sitting now.
The road was soon found,but snow had begun to fall thickly again,and they were four more hours getting home.Both the men took off their sheepskin lined greatcoats and used all their own rugs to wrap her up against the cold,notwithstanding her protests,positive orders,and even struggles,as Valery afterward related to me.'How could I,'he remonstrated with her,'go to meet the blessed soul of my late master if I let any harm come to you while there's a spark of life left in my body?'
When they reached home at last the poor old man was stiff and speechless from exposure,and the coachman was in not much better plight,though he had the strength to drive round to the stables himself.To my reproaches for venturing out at all in such weather,she answered,characteristically,that she could not bear the thought of abandoning me to my cheerless solitude.It is incomprehensible how it was that she was allowed to start.I suppose it had to be!She made light of the cough which came on next day,but shortly afterward inflammation of the lungs set in,and in three weeks she was no more!She was the first to be taken away of the young generation under my care.Behold the vanity of all hopes and fears!I was the most frail at birth of all the children.For years I remained so delicate that my parents had but little hope of bringing me up;and yet I have survived five brothers and two sisters,and many of my contemporaries;I have outlived my wife and daughter,too--and from all those who have had some knowledge at least of these old times you alone are left.It has been my lot to lay in an early grave many honest hearts,many brilliant promises,many hopes full of life."
He got up briskly,sighed,and left me saying,"We will dine in half an hour."
Without moving,I listened to his quick steps resounding on the waxed floor of the next room,traversing the anteroom lined with bookshelves,where he paused to put his chibouk in the pipe-stand before passing into the drawing-room (these were all en suite),where he became inaudible on the thick carpet.But I heard the door of his study-bedroom close.He was then sixty-two years old and had been for a quarter of a century the wisest,the firmest,the most indulgent of guardians,extending over me a paternal care and affection,a moral support which I seemed to feel always near me in the most distant parts of the earth.
