His judgement is at fault at times; but his mind is not at all commonplace.) On this occasion, however, his usually welcome visit only embarrassed me."Alas!" I thought to myself, "I shall be sure to say something very stupid to my young friend to-day, and he also will think that my facilities are becoming impaired.But still I cannot really explain to him that I had first been demanded in wedlock, and subsequently traduced as a man wholly devoid of morals--that even Therese had become an object of suspicion--and that Jeanne remains in the power of the most rascally woman on the face of the earth.I am certainly in an admirable state of mind for conversing about Cistercian abbeys with a young and mischievously minded man.
Nevertheless, we shall see--we shall try."...
But Therese stopped me:
"How red you are, Monsieur!" she exclaimed, in a tone of reproach.
"It must be the spring," I answered.
She cried out, "The spring!--in the month of December?"That is a fact! this is December.Ah! what is the matter with my head? what a fine help I am going to be to poor Jeanne!
"Therese, take my cane; and put it, if you possibly can, in some place where I shall be able to find it again.
"Good-day, Monsieur Gelis.How are you?"Undated.
Next morning the old boy wanted to get up; but the old boy could not get up.A merciless invisible hand kept him down upon his bed.
Finding himself immovably riveted there, the old boy resigned himself to remain motionless; but his thoughts kept running in all directions.
He must have had a very violent fever; for Mademoiselle Prefere, the Abbots of Saint-Germain-des-Pres, and the servant of Madame de Gabry appeared to him in divers fantastic shapes.The figure of the servant in particular lengthened weirdly over his head, grimacing like some gargoyle of a cathedral.Then it seemed to me that there were a great many people, much too many people, in my bedroom.
This bedroom of mine is furnished after the antiquated fashion.The portrait of my father in full uniform, and the portrait of my mother in her cashmere dress, are suspended on the wall.The wall-paper is covered with green foliage designs.I am aware of all this, and I am even conscious that everything is faded, very much faded.But an old man's room does not require to be pretty; it is enough that it should be clean, and Therese sees to that.At all events my room is sufficiently decorated to please a mind like mine, which has always remained somewhat childish and dreamy.There are things hanging on the wall or scattered over the tables and shelves which usually please my fancy and amuse me.But to-day it would seem as if all those objects had suddenly conceived some kind of ill-will against me.They have all become garish, grimacing, menacing.That statuette, modelled after one of the Theological Virtues of Notre-Dame de Brou, always so ingenuously graceful in its natural condition, is now making contortions and putting out its tongue at me.And that beautiful miniature--in which one of the most skilful pupils of Jehan Fouquet depicted himself, girdled with the cord-girdle of the Sons of St.Francis, offering his book, on bended knee, to the good Duc d'Angouleme--who has taken it out of its frame and put in its place a great ugly cat's head, which stares at me with phosphorescent eyes.And the designs on the wall-paper have also turned into heads--hideous green heads....But no--I am sure that wall-paper must have foliage-designs upon it at this moment just as it had twenty years ago, and nothing else....But no, again--Iwas right before--they are heads, with eyes, noses, mouths--they are heads!...Ah! now I understand! they are both heads and foliage-designs at the same time.I wish I could not see them at all.
And there, on my right, the pretty miniature of the Franciscan has come back again; but it seems to me as if I can only keep it in its frame by a tremendous effort of will, and that the moment I get tired the ugly cat-head will appear in its place.Certainly I am not delirious; I can see Therese very plainly, standing at the foot of my bed; I can hear her speaking to me perfectly well, and I should be able to answer her quite satisfactorily if I were not kept so busy in trying to compel the various objects about me to maintain their natural aspect.
Here is the doctor coming.I never sent for him, but it gives me pleasure to see him.He is an old neighbor of mine; I have never been of much service to him, but I like him very much.Even if Ido not say much to him, I have at least full possession of all my faculties, and I even find myself extraordinarily crafty and observant to-day, for I note all his gestures, his every look, the least wrinkling of his face.But the doctor is very cunning, too, and I cannot really tell what he thinks about me.The deep thought of Goethe suddenly comes to my mind and I exclaim, "Doctor, the old man has consented to allow himself to become sick;but he does not intend, this time at least, to make any further concessions to nature."Neither the doctor nor Therese laughs at my little joke.I suppose they cannot have understood it.
The doctor goes away; evening comes; and all sorts of strange shadows begin to shape themselves about my bed-curtains, forming and dissolving by turns.And other shadows--ghosts--throng by before me; and through them I can see distinctively the impassive face of my faithful servant.And suddenly a cry, a shrill cry, a great cry of distress, rends my ears.Was it you who called me Jeanne?
The day is over; and the shadows take their places at my bedside to remain with me all through the long night.
Then morning comes--I feel a peace, a vast peace, wrapping me all about.
Art Thou about to take me into Thy rest, my dear Lord God?
February 186-.
The doctor is quite jovial.It seems that I am doing him a great deal of credit by being able to get out of bed.If I must believe him, innumerable disorders must have pounced down upon my poor old body all at the same time.
