There was a certain element of caution in the girl.It made the chances she had taken rather more courageous, indeed, because she had always counted the cost.But marriage was not a matter for taking chances.One should know not only the man, but his setting, though she would not have thought of it in that way.Not only the man, but the things that made up his life - his people, his home.
And Henri was to her still a figure, not so much now of mystery as of detachment.Except Jean he had no intimates.He had no family on the only side of the line she knew.He had not even a country.
She had reached that point when Henri came below and saluted her stiffly from the doorway.
"Henri!" she said."I believe you are ill!"I am not ill," he said, and threw himself into the corner of the seat."You have read it?"She nodded.Even thinking of it brought a lump into her throat.He bent forward, but he did not touch her.
"I meant it, Saralie," he said."Sometimes men are infatuated, and write what they do not mean.They are sincere at the time, and then lateron - But I meant it.I shall always mean it."Not then, nor during the three days in London, did he so much as take her hand.He was not well.He ate nothing, and at night he lay awake and drank a great deal of water.Once or twice he found her looking at him anxiously, but he disclaimed all illness.
He had known from the beginning what he was doing.But he did not touch her, because in his heart he knew that where once he had been worthy he was no longer worthy.He had left his work for a woman.
It is true that he had expected to go back at once.But the Philadelphia, which had been listed to sail the next day, was held up by a strike in Liverpool, and he waited on, taking such hours as she could give him, feverishly anxious to make her happy, buying her little gifts mostly flowers, which she wore tucked in her belt and smiled over, because she had never before received flowers from a man.
He was alternately gay and silent.They walked across the Thames by the Parliament buildings, and midway across he stopped and looked long at the stream.And they went to the Zoological Gardens, where he gravely named one of the sea lions for Colonel Lilias because of its mustache, and insisted on saluting it each time before he flung it a fish.Once he soberly gathered up a very new baby camel, all legs, in his arms, and presented it to her.
"Please accept it, mademoiselle," he said."With my compliments."They dined together every night, very modestly, sitting in some crowded restaurant perhaps, but seeing little but each other.Sara Lee had bought a new hat in London - black, of course, but faced with white.He adored her in it.He would sit for long moments, his elbows propped on the table, his blond hair gleaming in the candlelight, and watch her.
"I wonder," he said once, "if you had never met him would you have loved me?""I do love you, Henri."
"I don't want that sort of love." And he had turned his head away.
But one evening he called for her at Morley's, a white and crushed boy, needing all that she could give him and much more.He came as a mangoes to the woman he loves when he is in trouble, much as a child to his mother.Sara Lee; coming down to the reception room, found him alone there, walking rapidly up and down.He turned desperate eyes on her.
"I have brought bad news," he said abruptly."The little house -""I do not know.I ran away, mademoiselle.I am a traitor.And the Germans broke through last night.""Henri!"
"They broke through We were not ready.That is what I have done." "Don't you think," Sara Lee said in a frozen voice, "that is what I havedone? I let you come."
"You? You are taking the blame? Mademoiselle, I have enough to bear without that."He explained further, still standing in his rigid attitude.If he had been white before at times he was ghastly now.It had not been an attack in force.A small number had got across and had penetrated beyond the railway line.There had been hand-to-hand fighting in the road beyond the poplars.But it looked more like an experiment, an endeavor to discover the possibility of a real advance through the inundation; or perhaps a feint to cover operations elsewhere.
"For every life lost I am responsible," he ended in a flat and lifeless tone.
"But you might not have known," she protested wildly."Even if you had been there, Henri, you might not have known." She knew something of war by that time."How could you have told that a small movement of troops was to take place?""I should have been there."
"But - if they came without warning?"
"I did not tell you," he said, looking away from her."There had been a warning.I disregarded it."He went back to Belgium that night.Sara Lee, at the last, held out her hand.She was terrified for him, and she showed it.
"I shall not touch your hand," he said."I have forfeited my right to dothat." Then, seeing what was in her face, he reassured her."I shall not do that," he said."It would be easier.But I shall have to go back and see what can be done."He was the old Henri to the last, however.He went carefully over her steamship ticket, and inquired with equal care into the amount of money she had.
"It will take you home?" he asked."Very comfortably, Henri.""It seems very little."
Then he said, apropos of nothing: "Poor Jean!"When he left her at last he went to the door, very erect and soldierly.But he turned there and stood for a moment looking at her, as though through all that was coming he must have with him, to give him strength, that final picture of her.
The elderly chambermaid, coming into Sara Lee's room the next morning, found her fully dressed in the frock she had worn the night before, face down on her bed.
