And as to advertising the house, I think it would be perfectly degrading to you.""And suppose I disregard your opinion as you disregard mine?""You can do so, of course. But I think you ought to have told me before we were married that you would place me in the worst position, rather than give up your own will."Lydgate did not speak, but tossed his head on one side, and twitched the corners of his mouth in despair. Rosamond, seeing that he was not looking at her, rose and set his cup of coffee before him; but he took no notice of it, and went on with an inward drama and argument, occasionally moving in his seat, resting one arm on the table, and rubbing his hand against his hair. There was a conflux of emotions and thoughts in him that would not let him either give thorough way to his anger or persevere with simple rigidity of resolve.
Rosamond took advantage of his silence.
"When we were married everyone felt that your position was very high.
I could not have imagined then that you would want to sell our furniture, and take a house in Bride Street, where the rooms are like cages.
If we are to live in that way let us at least leave Middlemarch.""These would be very strong considerations," said Lydgate, half ironically--still there was a withered paleness about his lips as he looked at his coffee, and did not drink--"these would be very strong considerations if I did not happen to be in debt.""Many persons must have been in debt in the same way, but if they are respectable, people trust them. I am sure I have heard papa say that the Torbits were in debt, and they went on very well It cannot be good to act rashly," said Rosamond, with serene wisdom.
Lydgate sat paralyzed by opposing impulses: since no reasoning he could apply to Rosamond seemed likely to conquer her assent, he wanted to smash and grind some object on which he could at least produce an impression, or else to tell her brutally that he was master, and she must obey. But he not only dreaded the effect of such extremities on their mutual life--he had a growing dread of Rosamond's quiet elusive obstinacy, which would not allow any assertion of power to be final; and again, she had touched him in a spot of keenest feeling by implying that she had been deluded with a false vision of happiness in marrying him. As to saying that he was master, it was not the fact. The very resolution to which he had wrought himself by dint of logic and honorable pride was beginning to relax under her torpedo contact. He swallowed half his cup of coffee, and then rose to go.
"I may at least request that you will not go to Trumbull at present--until it has been seen that there are no other means," said Rosamond.
Although she was not subject to much fear, she felt it safer not to betray that she had written to Sir Godwin. "Promise me that you will not go to him for a few weeks, or without telling me."Lydgate gave a short laugh. "I think it is I who should exact a promise that you will do nothing without telling me," he said, turning his eyes sharply upon her, and then moving to the door.
"You remember that we are going to dine at papa's," said Rosamond, wishing that he should turn and make a more thorough concession to her. But he only said "Oh yes," impatiently, and went away.
She held it to be very odious in him that he did not think the painful propositions he had had to make to her were enough, without showing so unpleasant a temper. And when she put the moderate request that he would defer going to Trumbull again, it was cruel in him not to assure her of what he meant to do.
She was convinced of her having acted in every way for the best;and each grating or angry speech of Lydgate's served only as an addition to the register of offences in her mind.
