The second fruit of friendship, is healthful and sovereign for the understanding, as the first is for the affections. For friendship makes indeed a fair day in the affections, from storm and tempests; but it makes daylight in the understanding, out of darkness, and confusion of thoughts. Neither is this to be understood only of faithful counsel, which a man receives from his friend; but before you come to that, certain it is, that whosoever has his mind fraught with many thoughts, his wits band understanding do clarify and break up, in the communicating and discoursing with another; he tosses his thoughts more easily; he marshals them more orderly, he sees how they look when they are turned into words: finally, he waxes wiser than himself; and that more by an hour’s iscourse, than by a day’s meditation. It was well said by Themistocles, to the king of Persia. That speech was like cloth of Arras, opened and putabroad; whereby the imagery doth appear infigure; whereas in thoughts they lie but as in packs. Neither is this second fruit of friendship, in opening the understanding, restrained only to such friends as are able to give a man counsel; (they indeed are best;) but even without that, a man learns of himself, and brings his own thoughts to light, and whets his wits as against a stone, which itself cuts not. In a word, a man was better relate himself to a statue, or picture, han to suffer his thoughts to pass in smother.
Add now, to make this second fruit of friendship complete, that other point, which lies more open, and falls within vulgar observation; which is faithful counsel from a friend. Heraclitus says well in one of his enigmas. Dry light is ever the best. And certain it is, that the light that a man receives by counsel from another, is drier and purer, than that which comes from his own understanding and judgment; which is ever infused, and drenched, in his affections and customs. So as there is as much difference between the counsel, that a friend gives, and that a man gives himself, as there is between the counsel of a friend, and of a flatterer. For there is no such flatterer as is a man’s self; and there is no such remedy against flattery of a man’s self, as the liberty of a friend. Counsel is of two sorts: the one concerning manners, the other concerning business. For the first, the best preservative to keep the mind in health, is the faithful admonition of a friend. The calling of a man’s self to a strict account, is a medicine, sometime too piercing and corrosive. Reading good books of morality, is a little flat and dead. Observing our faults in others, is sometimes improper for our case. But the best receipt (best, I say, to work, and best to take) is the admonition of a friend. It is a strange thing to behold, what gross error sand extreme absurdities many (especially of the greater sort) do commit, for want of a friend to tell them of them; to the great damage both of their fame and fortune: for, as St. James says, they are as men that look sometimes into a glass, and preently forget their own shape and favor. As for business, a man may think, if he win, that two eyes see no more than one; or that a gamester sees always more than a looker-on; or that a man in anger, is as wise as he that has said over the four and twenty letters; or that a musket may be shot off as well upon the arm, as upon a rest; and such other fond and high imaginations, to think him self all in all. But when all is done, the help of good counsel, is that which sets business straight. And if any man think that he will take counsel, but it shall be by pieces; asking counsel in one business, of one man, and in another business, of another man; it is well (that is to say, better, perhaps, than if he asked none at all); but he runs two dangers: one, that he shall not be faithfully counselled; for it is a rare thing, except it be from a perfect and entire friend, to have counsel given, but such as shall be bowed and crooked to some ends, which he has, that gives it. The other, that he shall have counsel given, hurtful and unsafe (though with good meaning), and mixed partly of mischief and partly of remedy; even as if you would call a physician, that is thought good for the cure of the disease you complain of, but is unacquainted with your body; and therefore may put you in way for a present cure, but overthrows your health in some other kind; and so cure the disease, and kill the patient. But a friend that is wholly acquainted with a man’s estate, will beware, by furthering any present business, how he dashes upon other inconvenience. And therefore rest not upon scattered counsels; they will rather distract and mislead, than settle and direct.
